Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Sand On the Only Shore Across the Sea

So I wrote this poem and put it up on eliteskills.com, but nobody has commented on it. I have at least 17 views by now and usually someone comments by at least 5. Since nobody loves me there anymore, I just wanted to see if any of you guys had anything to say. Maybe if you want to, even try to analyze it. Non analytical comments are fine too.


Oh princess of your castle,
how long must I wait
to see you again?
I've searched my life
knowing exactly who you are,
never acknowledging you weren't there

as your hair was blown
by the wind and we stood in the trees
knowing not we would see each other again.

And the wind blew by the years
giving way to our fears of never loving.
So you saw your princes and I my maidens.
And though we never laid in their beds
we never knew the dead could be so enticing.

Now knowing the dead are not alive
You and I should strive to spend our days in
the land of the living.

Oh princess of your castle,
how long must I wait
to see you again?
I've searched my life
knowing exactly who you are,
and I never want to leave your side.

4 comments:

Alicia said...

DO NOT TAKE OFFENCE.

I, for one, am not a good poem writer, so kudos to you for writing one and putting it on the 'net. BUT:

in three words: it could be better. I mean, its fine, and I get the context of the story...but you might want to switch some words and phrases around. I like wondering when I read things, and this just has me KNOWING. I don't really know how to explain it.

And it sounds like you are really sad. But thats not about the poem, that's you. And I hope you have a HAPPY day, week, month and life. *high fives*
You can delete this if you want.

Lacee said...

I would have more to say if I was better at.. poetry in general. xD I always think your poems are great. But trying to figure them out is harder than deciphering Psalms for me. XD

I do like it though. :3

LoveDeath said...

Alicia: I'm curious as to what it has you "knowing"? What a writer's poem conveys to the reader is always the end result no matter what the writer's intentions were. So its nice to know what it makes people think every now and then. And I will agree that I also enjoy obscure poem every now and then, but if a poem does not say to the reader anything at all, then the poem has failed. So I try not to write in complete off the wall metaphors and stuff. (Though it is fun to do.) Don't worry, I have taken no offense to your comment. Don't worry. I've had my poems completely bashed before so what you said was not harsh. (At least I didn't see it that way.) Would you say the poem needs more to it?

Lacee: Many times when I write poems, they seem to deal with exactly what goes on in my head at the moment. And sometimes I write poems that I want people to get something from without spilling my exact thoughts onto the floor. Sometimes things are literal and sometimes metaphorical. I like to write in such a way that the literal seems metaphorical or the oppisite.
I'm trying to expand to where I can write "stories" in my poems that really have an underlying meaning about the way I feel or what I've been through. But I also want someone else to be able to connect with it. It's complicated, but when you read poetry don't try to decipher it right away. Start with how it makes you feel. Then (if the writer did a good job) you will get what they feel (or if they're amazing- what they wanted you to feel wether they actually feel it or not) and at least you get the basic feeling I guess. Its a sort of "someone else's shoes" thing. I don't know how to explain too much, so sorry if this just sounded like rambling mess. Thanks for liking it.

Alicia said...

When I say the meaning of knowing, I meant that you just wrote facts. Maybe you shouldn't put so many things that people can automaticaly understand, make them wonder what you mean, but not to a point of them thinking your a wacko. I don't hate your poem, I like it, I'm just hoping you won't take offence on someone elses view on your work.