The Silence of White Noise

I want people to care, but then again I don't care if people do. Why must I always focus on myself? I really try to focus on other people's needs, I do. But then after a while, you kinda just want to hear someone say "thanks for caring." Or "I'm glad you took the time". Its been a while since I've heard that from someone. Maybe its just me. Maybe I'm just a sad excuse for a pity party right now. I just want to know what it is that I want. I feel so anxious all of the time. Anxious- like I should be doing something that I'm not. Like the cave is filling up with the tide and I'm stuck in the little airhole that's left. I just want to rest. I just want a break. I just want to be able to chill out for one day like I used to be able to so long ago. Lately I've been so messed up that I dont even know how I feel anymore. My brain is void of all stimulation, and though it craves for it I reject it when it comes because it becomes too much for me. I want to sleep, but then to sleep is to miss something of my life. I am in conflict with myself; a stalemate of three directions. I just want someone to care. I want to care...