Sorry this will probably be short. I kinda wanna go to bed.
I went to Celebration's College Life again yesterday. I'm sorry for kinda whining about it last week. It may not be everything I want it to be, but then again I'm not everything that I want to be. I kinda expect to have someone shove stuff down my throat, but I think I've come to the realization that I'm going to have to pick up the calzone and do it on my own. But anyways, I met this guy named Alex who invited me to his small group, which was tonight. I got there a little late, and his house is a little townhouse and there were probably 20 people in his living room and they were having a good thread of conversation going. SO I felt kinda awkward just walking into the middle of it all. But I did get to meet quite a bit of people, and I got invited to go to the Mellow Mushroom with them for dinner. I had a calzone for the first time in my life. It was amazingly large (and I got a small). But I did pay for its "small" largeness too. Basically I felt like I was back in the Seminary again. Like the people are nice, cool, Godly people that might be fun to hang around, but I feel like I don't fit with them. They're all so "churchized" feeling to me. Like they'll make a joke about different lifestyles that aren't really degrading to that lifestyle, but it just makes me think "You really don't understand anything else except for what you are do you?" And I think that's why I had a hard time meeting these people. I am different than they are so unless I'm introduced to someone I kind of get the feeling that they are standing there in their groups and thinking "I hope someone goes and talks with that guy."
I don't know. Another thing that reinforced that vibe to me is that they were talking about what kind of music they listen to all day. They were naming things like they're church's worship album, Jeremy Camp, and all of that other "worship" stuff. I was hoping to hear some other style of music come up in the conversation. It just makes me feel uneasy when that's all that someone listens to. Because it just makes me feel like they have a hard time relating to stuff that isn't with their "walk" but might be part of someone else's life that doesn't yet have a walk with God. And one girl said "I've had that CD in my car all day today." So I threw out "I've had Demon Hunter in my CD player all day." I got blank stares and "OMG whatheheckisthat" looks. One girl then said "umm, I've never heard of them." So I explained that I listen to Christian Death Metal/Industrial type stuff. Then another girl gasped "You listen to that ALL day?" (As if it were detrimental to my health or something.) I explained that I also like indie type stuff too. She seemed like she might dabble in some indie, so she was cool with it I guess, but other people just gave me those "umm.... ok" looks.
I don't mean to put these people down. They're great people, but I just don't fit in well with them. I want to fight culture with culture. That is the only way that some people are going to find out that God loves them- If someone like them and who cares enough to understand them shows God's love to them instead of putting out the image that "if you are like me then I will show you that God loves you." I think that so many people unknowingly do that when they cut themselves off from certian parts of the culture. At the same time I want to be careful that I don't do that to the people who are like that because then it makes me just like them- just in a different form. UGH the complexities of humanity. I just want to meet someone who shares my common interests and goals. And who has the same general view of the world. I have met people before, but its never in groups. Its always one person. I guess I am meant to be a loner. But wouldn't it be cool if all of the people who thought just slightly different from the rest of the world got together? I think it would be. But I don't know if that would really work.
Well, I am glad that I finally met some new people to hang out with (hopefully). And I did have a great time hanging out with them. And not every one of them gave me that weird OMG URNOTLIKEME vibe. Just a couple of them. But all the same I just don't exactly fit. I"m too tired to rant anymore. Goodnight.