But Here You Are

Lately I guess I've just been getting a lot of kicks to the face from God. These kicks are things that are teaching me how I should grow and love and whatever else it is that God thinks I should know more about or see in who I am or rather who I've become.
So I want to live my life the best I can. So what? there are so many other people trying to do the exact same thing. Doing the best I can is something that I was focused so much on for the past year, possibly two years of my life. Its been "God how can I best serve you with what I have?" Its taken a lot for him to show me "Jeremy, YOU have nothing. You have done nothing. Can't you see this whole time that it was ME giving you everything that you posses within you and around you?" Lately I've been trying to measure up to the things that I think that I should be doing or the way that I think is the right way to go or the thing that I think I should do. And all the while I can now imagine God going:

"Jeremy, here is this month's car payment so you will see that I do provide. Jeremy, here is this camera so I can produce great and mighty things because of you. Jeremy, here is a friend because you cannot yet grasp that I am enough. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me... I am not in the earthquake that you so desperately hope to shake your life. I am not in the fire that you wish to destroy all but the path you should take. For in the earthquake you would be swallowed by the earth, and in the fire you would be consumed in the flames. No, I am not in these signs and wonders that you seek. As if my might and power need to be proven! No I am not. I AM the whisper. I am that silent wind that you hear only when you are standing still. I am that one thing that you- because of your preconceived human ideologies; you- because of this pathetic little box you have attempted to place me in (no matter how big you hope it to be); I am the one thing that you never thought I would be- the silence, the "nothing". I am the stillness in your heart when all things seem to never cease. I am the peace in your mind when all logic tells you that you are doomed. I am the tranquil silence when all of your emotions seem to scream with rage. I am the Love that you thought you forgot how to be. I am everything that YOU could never be. Come near to me by standing still, and everything will be for my glory in the end. I will use you in ways that not even on your best days can do on your own. Be still and know that I am God. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Love is patient. I will wait on the Lord. How I claim to love God with all my heart and yet not be patient, when he himself gives the first characteristic of love as patience! Oh, to be human! But to be human is to be loved by God. Oh, to be human! What a joy it can be when all I do is stop screaming at him long enough to listen to him whisper his reply: "Why are you crying out to me? You need only to be still."

Exodus 14
¹⁰ As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. ¹¹ They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"
¹³ Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
¹⁵ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. ¹⁶ Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. ¹⁷ I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. ¹⁸ The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen."